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Continuation of Commentaries

on the Maxims on Love of St. John of the Cross

by Fr. Bruno Cocuzzi, ocd

Maxim 69.

Do not complain about anyone, nor ask for anything; and if it is necessary for you to ask, let it be with few words.

Once again there is a carry-over from the previous Maxim 68 in this current one.  There, St. John advises us “...if someone complains of another... tell him... to say nothing... to you.”  Here St. John advises that we not complain about others.  As the saying goes: “Turn about is fair play.”  So for the same reasons that we don’t want to listen to complaints about others, namely that it is harmful to our souls, we should not want to harm the souls of others by complaining about people.  And of course we also want to avoid damaging the reputation of other people.  It would seem then, that there is nothing more to say about that part of this Maxim.  But on second thought I think there are a few remarks still to be made.  And that is because of what we were advised by St. John of the Cross in Maxim 64, where he says we should listen to every reproof with a serene countenance by thinking that “God utters it.”  In that commentary we went on from there to say we ought to see God our Gracious Father as the author of everything that transpires in our lives, and hence we would be able to keep God ever present, as admonished to do in Maxim 63.  And so to help us in this reflection I now cite the meanings given to the verb, “to complain” by the American Heritage dictionary:

            1.  to express feelings of pain, dissatisfaction or resentment.

            2.  to describe one’s pains, problems or dissatisfaction.

            3.  To make a formal accusation or bring a formal charge.

For synonyms of “to complain” we are referred to the verb “to object”.  To complain is listed as a synonym of “to object”, and others are: “to protest” and “to remonstrate.”  These last two would also be synonyms of “to complain.”

Well, right away we see why it is that we should not complain about anyone.  When we know and profess that the “...wisdom [providence] of God reaches from end to end mightily and disposes all things sweetly”  (Wisdom 8:1 - Latin Vulgate), then for us to complain is the equivalent of finding fault with God, who is subsistent goodness, kindness, love and Mercy.  It is the equivalent of telling God, who is the summit of perfection that He has made a mistake.  Of course, folks who do complain usually are not aware of the truth of the Scripture we have just quoted, so they don’t see God as disposing all things sweetly in virtue of His Wisdom and Power.  And even we, ourselves, who wholeheartedly embrace the truth of Wisdom 8:1, tend to focus on the fact of human free will, by means of which people step outside the boundaries of God’s Law and His Will for us in our human relationships, and so we tend to focus on the evil deeds of others and leave God out of the picture altogether. 

But although God cannot be blamed for the evils and sins perpetrated by His human children, yet the gift of free will He bestowed upon each of us necessarily falls within the reach of His wise and loving and powerful providence, which permits evil to take place, and out of which He can draw a greater good for us who experience evil, pain, problems and resentment because of what befalls us.  The best example of that is given us in the Easter liturgy, where we hear it proclaimed in the Exultet ...”O Happy fault, which merited such and so great a Redeemer.”  Which reminds me of something Bishop Sheen said in one of his homilies.  He spoke of God’s original plan as a most beautiful symphony.  Then he compared the sin of Adam and Eve to introducing a sour, discordant note into that original, beautiful symphony.  But what did God do in virtue of His infinitely wise and loving, merciful power? 

Bishop Sheen says God made that otherwise discordant note the very first note of a far, far more beautiful symphony, one that included the Blessed Virgin Mary, Jesus, and the Glorious Wisdom of the Cross.  So for us to complain, no matter how much our wounded humanity is experiencing pain, dissatisfaction or resentment, we must not only not give voice to them, we are to ignore them completely as illusory.  Of course, St. John of the Cross might not urge the average Christian to put this Maxim into practice, but he certainly has every right and even a duty to enjoin it upon us who are his children and disciples in the Order of Carmel.

Now in looking back at the definition of complain taken from the A.H. dictionary, we see that this Maxim admonishes us not to fall into the first meaning given, to express feelings, etc.   Of course, understood is “to express to others those feelings.”

When we look at the second meaning to describe our feelings, we see that we ordinarily do that whenever we see our doctor.  He has to know our symptoms when we are not well and seek a cure.  He, the Doctor, cannot help us unless we describe the pains, the physical problems and the “dissatisfaction” our bodies are experiencing.

When we carry this mode of conduct over into our relationship with Jesus, the Divine Physician, then we can and should describe what our wounded humanities are feeling, but only to Him, or to Our Lady or a Patron saint whose intercession we rely upon in obtaining a cure from Jesus.  Then surely, as He begins to heal the wounds in our humanity, that is, as sin and evil and their effects on our humanity are driven out, we can expect the feelings of pain, dissatisfaction and resentment over what happens to us personally to diminish proportionately.  If we continue to feel pain, etc. because of the evils that afflict others, especially the souls of people, that is the fruit of a holy love of God and neighbor, and in no way is a finding fault with God and His merciful providence.  In fact the pain we feel at seeing the harm sinners do to their own souls and the souls of others can then be united to the sufferings of Jesus to make them redemptive, as we have said many times in the course of these conferences on the Maxims.

A little while ago I said that this Maxim implies that we are not to complain about anyone to others, but I think now it also means do not complain to ourselves.  It is true that keeping our pains, dissatisfactions, problems and resentment to ourselves does not harm the souls of others, but it still represents our finding fault with God, and may cause us to fall into the sin of blasphemy with our thoughts.

The third meaning of complain as given by the A.H. dictionary clearly refers to the practice of bringing law suits in court.  This is certainly something St. John of the Cross doesn’t want any Christian to do, not only those of us who are his disciples in Carmel.  Our Lord Himself already told us that in the sermon on the Mount: “Come to terms with your adversary quickly while you are on the road (way) with him, lest your adversary hands you over to the judge, and the judge hands you over to his assistant and you are put in jail” (Matt. 5:25).  Although this word of Jesus appears, on the face of things, to apply to His disciples who are the defendants in a law suit, rather than applying to the Plaintiff, the one who complains, it is also clear that Jesus frowns upon law suits altogether.  This Maxim clearly also urges us never to bring law suits by saying, in effect, never be a plaintiff, never make a formal charge of wrong doing against anyone.

This third meaning of “to complain” is surely what the A.H. dictionary has in mind when it says that one of the synonyms is “to protest”.  One of the implications of the act of “protesting” is to assert that the protester has been wronged, that is, he or his rights have been injured in some way.  But can we really say that any human being’s rights are really injured by the evils inflicted upon him by others?  It seems to me that to assert that is totally lacking in humility.  Humility is, after all, walking in truth, as our Holy Mother St. Teresa tells us.  If we were to consider the truth that we were born into this world in a state of separation from God, which is the same as being doomed to hell if that state were to persist, and yet out of His Infinite Goodness God the Father sent His Divine Son to destroy that separation and reconcile us with the Father once again, how can any injury or suffering less than eternal punishment possibly be considered an injury to us?  Besides that, many people, [I for one], have deserved Hell for my sins of the past.  So since God has shown Mercy by offering to everyone the graces of repentance, conversion and salvation, how could anyone be upset if others deliberately do something to injure us or “our rights”?  So to avoid falling into sins of Pride, also, as if we were too good to deserve suffering, we must be very careful never to protest, or even think of protesting, to another for alleged wrongs done to us.  And this Maxim includes therefore, a prohibition against protesting also to the superiors of the alleged wrongdoer, to whom we usually appeal so that they will order the allegedly “guilty” party to cease and desist. 

The other synonym from the A.H. dictionary we gave above for “to complain” is “to remonstrate.”  This seems to go a good way beyond merely to protest, especially to protest to lawful authority.  We saw that as evidence of Pride.  Since “to remonstrate” signifies leveling formal accusation of deliberate faults and sins in causing the alleged injuries, “to remonstrate” implies usurping the role of judge and jury, indeed usurping the role of God Himself, the only true and absolutely just judge.  So, in view of all the foregoing, certainly we must strive to put this maxim into practice as a means of removing the formidable obstacles that complaining to, and about, others places in the way of our Union with God in Love.

We go on now to consider the second part of the Maxim that precedes the semi-colon.  It reads: “...nor ask for anything.”  This phrase confirms our statement that for us to complain about anything or anyone is equivalent to finding fault with God’s providence.  The words under consideration can certainly be understood as being caused by a feeling that one has not received something he considers necessary for his personal welfare.  We ask for something only when we need it, or think we need it, when we notice we are lacking it.  Here the implication is that one is appealing to an individual who has the responsibility to supply for our personal needs, like a superior of one kind or another.

Perhaps St. John of the Cross wants us to remember that every day we in Carmel say the “Our Father” at least three times: as part of Morning Prayer and Evening Prayer from the  breviary, and as part of Holy Mass (for those of us who are able to attend Mass daily.)  In that prayer we ask for “our daily bread”.  As you all know, bread, which is essential for our bodily life, aptly represents and symbolizes all our essential needs, namely, all those things that are necessary for every aspect of our humanity in order for us to remain “alive” in the fullest sense of the word.  So since we are thoroughly convinced that God Our most loving Father does hear this prayer and does give us everything that is good for us, and thus helps us to remain capable of fulfilling His Will for us at all times, for us to ask for anything would imply that God the Father has been delinquent in His obligations to be a Father to us all.  Actually, even as Creator he has assumed the obligation to help us fulfill the purposes for which He has created all things.  Jesus bears witness to that truth when He speaks of the birds of the air and the flowers of the field, whom Our Creator God feeds and clothes and maintains in existence and gives them the perfection proper to their natures.  It is in that same place that Jesus tells us that each individual human creature is worth more than whole flocks of sparrows or vast fields of flowers.  He then guarantees that if we seek first to adhere always to God’s will for us, everything else we need will be given us besides.

Now in the last half of the Maxim, St. John seems to be saying that every so often it may be necessary for us to ask for something.  Does this mean that occasionally God fails to give us what we need?  I don’t think so.  I think it means that in that situation, when it is necessary that we ask, that, the very act of asking is something that we need for our greater good, certainly for the greater good of our souls, and that is precisely what God in His Merciful Goodness is offering us and providing for us.  It may happen that a person needs to know and profess that we need one another and must learn to help and support one another as we journey through life.  A person may be tempted to think that he doesn’t need anyone, that he can do it all by himself.  That temptation would proceed from pride and nothing is more harmful to the human soul than pride.  So, God in His Goodness would give a proud person who is not aware of how alive pride is in him plenty of chances to become humble.  Having to look to others and openly ask another for help or for whatever one needs is a marvelous way to help a person of good will overcome vestiges of pride that are hidden to his gaze.  I say this because St. John of the Cross addresses this maxim to the Friars, Nuns and pious lay folk of his time, who certainly would be folks who wanted to be humble and yet unaware that pride was still alive in their souls.

Concerning the very last phrase of the Maxim, St. John of The Cross may have had in mind certain examples of Holy Scripture when a request for something is made in very few words.  We remember first and foremost the words of Our Lady to Jesus at Cana.  When Mary noticed that the wine was running out, she simply said to Jesus: “They have no wine.”  Actually, she didn’t overtly ask for anything, but implicitly she was asking Jesus to do something about the shortage of wine.  Also, it seems, Mary was not asking for anything for herself, since the immediate beneficiaries would be the bride and groom and the wedding guests.  Yet in a sense she was, she was asking to be spared the pain of seeing the bridal party and the guests embarrassed, or, we could say, she was asking for the joy of seeing that all went well and smoothly for all concerned.  And yet the very way Mary asked Jesus to do something about the shortage of wine was also a profession of confidence in His compassion, wisdom and power.  She was saying in effect: “I know that you are so good and kind that you will intervene to prevent this embarrassment, and perhaps disgrace, to befall the bride and groom, and their families, and I also know that you know best what to do that is most appropriate in this situation.”

Another example of how to ask in a few words that we find in Scripture is the message Martha and Mary sent to Jesus when Lazarus, their brother, was dying.  They said simply: “Lord, he whom you love is ill.”  What we said about the words of Mary at Cana certainly apply to this veiled request of the two sisters.  They asked not for themselves, and yet for themselves; by not suggesting to Jesus what He should do they were professing utter confidence in His loving Providence, based upon His compassion, wisdom and power.

In this latter instance, Jesus seemed to have refused the implicit request of Mary and Martha by His doing nothing and allowing Lazarus to die.  As it turned out, Jesus’ inaction at the time of the sisters’ implicit request that their brother be cured of his illness eventually resulted in a far greater and more perfect answer to their request than they could have possibly imagined.  Can these be examples of what St. John had in mind when he wrote in this Maxim: “...and if it is necessary for you to ask, let it be with few words”?  It seems that the answer to that question is: “No”, because no requests were made.  These could have been examples, though, if St. John of the Cross had said in this Maxim instead: “...and if it is necessary for you to ask, simply state your need in a few words.”

 

So getting back to the last half of the Maxim, it does appear that on those occasions that Our Gracious God wants to teach us humility by requiring us to approach another human being and to ask him for something wanting for our physical or emotional well being, that as few words as possible be used.  Surely, St. John of the Cross knew that the fewer words that are used, the less room there is for imperfections and even venial sins to creep in.  What might creep in?  Well, if enough words were used, a note of resentment might be sounded.  Also, a veiled criticism or accusation of incompetence might find its way into a request using many words.  Then, too, self-will could manifest itself, especially if the request spells out in detail exactly how the petitioner wants his need satisfied.  Surely, all that would be avoided if only a very few words were used.

On the other hand, asking in a few words could also represent an act of trust and reliance on the good will and other virtues of the person in authority capable of satisfying the need of the petitioner.  This would be analogous to the implied act of confidence in God’s compassion, wisdom and power in the words of Mary to Jesus at Cana and of Martha and Mary to Jesus when Lazarus was on his deathbed.  Surely, to ask in as few words as possible would also be an act of charity toward the person the petitioner approaches, because, in effect, that is an affirmation of the person’s competence and a compliment to him concerning his sense of responsibility and his reliability or trustworthiness.  Hence, asking with few words would not only be a way of giving evidence of the truth of the statement: “in many words sin will not be lacking”, but would also be evidence of the truth we could call the other side of the coin: “...in a sparsity of words virtue will not be lacking.”

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MISSION STATEMENT: This web site was created for the purpose of completing the work of Fr. Bruno Cocuzzi, O.C.D These conferences may be reproduced for private use only. Publication of this material is forbidden without permission of the Father Provincial for the Discalced Carmelites, Holy Hill, 1525 Carmel Rd., Hubertus, WI 53033-9770. Texts for the Maxims on Love were taken from The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross, by Fr. Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. and Fr. Otilo Rodriguez, O.C.D. 1979 Edition. Copies of the book are available at ICS Publications, 2131 Lincoln Rd., N.E., Washington, D.C. 2002-1199, Phone: 1-800-832-8489.